PassiveExpat| Andy Mayer

 

Passive Expat

by Andy Mayer

 

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My income is so passive it is almost in a coma.
I have never been called a Trailing Spouse but I sure feel like one when it comes to income and earning potential. I know I am not alone.

I am considered a trailing spouse  who according to  the newest “Encyclopaedia Brittanica”- Wikipedia;The term trailing spouse is used to describe a person who follows his or her life partner to another city because of a work assignment. The term is often associated with people involved in an expatriate assignment but is also used by academia on domestic assignments.”

I don’t fall into academia and last time I looked I was not a domestic goddess.  So basically I just  followed him.It’s like he blew in my ear and off I went.

Best of both worlds eh? Academic Domestic Godess
Best of both worlds eh? Academic Domestic Godess

Did I leave a trail of breadcrumbs? NO.

Do I get a trailing commission? NO.

Do I blaze a trail? No there are thousands of women just like me.  (although I am pretty fiery and leave a path of destruction)

Have I squirrelled away some $$ incase he dumps me for a younger and prettier version of himself? NO.

Pity my floor is tiled
Pity my floor is tiled

Did I keep my hand in the industry to maintain skills incase he gets run over by the number 64 tram  and I need to go back to work? NO.

So WTF am I doing?  Well ………….. that kind of  leads me back to where I am right now gazing out at the pool.

Ok, this is NOT actually my pool but you get my drift.
Ok, this is NOT actually my pool but you get my drift.

You see I met with a financial planner  and life insurance agent for dinner. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I heard BLAH BLAH blah. All I want to do is go to the pool and read my book during the day not read about my financial future.

What a bad attitude.  She said “Sister what are you doing to make sure you  have financial backbone should anything happen to your husband?”

I just kept touching the wooden table to ward off bad luck and  wondering if I could fit the whole felafel wrap in my mouth or if I should use a knife and fork.

Is this 1958 housewife of the year awards?…………… Let me slip into something comfortable to impress my hard working husband  with a scotch on the rocks greeting him with a kiss on the cheek and a little leg lift or is this 2015 where I am independent and secure now and for my future?

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I have great plans and have made some serious steps towards Financial independence, it  is just my steps are a bit small and sometimes I take leaps and then I fall down.

The other problem is at night when I am about to nod off to sleep the ideas, the ambition and  the intelligence comes. My creative juices flow and I become the most amazing entrepreneur in the world. I can be a huge success fiscally, philanthropically and personally. But by the light of day (and there is a hell of a lot of that) I seem to return to a lobotomised trailing spouse.

Now where are my bathers,  red high heeled shoes and apron?

I am off to the pool to write about “look see’s”.  New  posting anyone?

andy xo

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FitExpat- Part 1

Expat wife
Expat wife

FitExpat by Andy Mayer

Many non working women living an expat life have more time available to them than their home country  working counterparts. I like to say there are 3 types of  non working expat wives

1) The Exercisers

2) The Bakers

3) The Charity Givers

Now that is not to say that one woman cannot encompass all 3 types but to simplify things I shall grossly generalise and probably upset multitudes of women in the process.

So let’s talk about group #1

The Exercisers

This group of non working expat women fall into 3 ofetn confused subcategories

1.A. Hard Core Exercisers AKA The “All or nothings”

Tough Mudder
Tough Mudder

They have a gym membership,  personal trainers, they lift weights, kickbox and  take tredding classes on the same day. They are often seen posing in photographs on FB with their Tough Mudder T shirt their  trail runner Hong Kong  t shirt, their I climbed Mt Everest T shirt or showing their half marathon medals. These woman are not to be messed with. They are in and committed Laboutin boots and all and when they are “training” don’t mention gin and tonics on Friday or  your birthday party. They will not come or they will demand you change the date. They have muscles and flat tummies ( even the one’s with 3 or 4 kids!) Their conversation often starts with  “Hi How are you?  I just had a super charged gym session and am on my way to grab a juice and off to my pole dancing class”. Occasionally there is a rare non runner who prefers to do  bikram yoga 17 times a week and paints. Think muscles here.

1B. All or Nothing but Only  in Bursts Exerciser

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These chicky babes flourish in expat circles. All have little bellies, little paunches that they proudly say are the  “pouches of motherhood” or something like that.They can be found working out at the latest gym where it was a 3 month  trial membership, 30 days unlimited yoga sessions or even at   12 session standup paddle board lessons. They thrive on inconsistent consistency like months of exercise followed by months of holiday mode type  mojito drinking,  consuming copious amounts of bread, local delicacies and beer.  Their weight fluctuates only by 3 or 4 kilos but they are always complaining of being fat.They are well intentioned exercisers it is just the trainer left town while they were on their holiday, their knee hurts every time they train for a half marathon, their spot got taken in the class they wanted or apathy of winter set in and they just couldn’t be arsed. One all or nothing but only in bursts exerciser was overheard recently that the shippers broke her treadmill and the sadness of losing her routine overwhelmed her so she drank beer and smoked shisha…..

1C. The Social Exercisers

Gin and Tennis
Gin and Tennis

These expat sista’s have strong elbows from lifting their tennis raquets and their Gin and Tonics. They have been known to take golf lessons along with tennis lessons and have gorgeous outfits to match their toned but not too toned bodies. They can be seen exercising in groups either in each others loungeroom to Jane Fonda tapes or  The Chick from The  Biggest Loser  DVD’s. They walk to their car and drive away waving and smiling from their exercise sometimes with full makeup on. Many times a week the conversation will play out like this

Blonde social exerciser: “Ok girls coffee  at mine and then we can go for a pedi and a quick lunch, call your driver and have him get all the kids from school today”

Brunette social exerciser: “Great I shall text our domestic and have her prepare some hummus and carrot sticks for the kids after school snack”.

Dirty Blonde social exerciser: “Look I have a bottle of Bollinger in the fridge lets just order sushi delivery and crack that  but I have to cancel my (insert anything) lesson first”.

Once I overheard a social exerciser ask if a  sauna counted as exercise?

 

Stay tuned for the Bakers and The Charity Givers

 

andy xoxoxox